


What to do when your Soulmate is a Jerk

by truc



Series: Superbatweek 2020 [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, Superman (Comics)
Genre: AU, Bruce is a A grade jerk, Brucie is an idiot, Clark is embarrassed, Comedy, Fake Dating, Humour, M/M, Soulmate AU, gala - Freeform, his group of followers are not much better, superbatweek2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25457902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truc/pseuds/truc
Summary: When they discover their soulmates, most people would try to find out if it was a platonic or romantic soulmate, avoid the other person or deny it.Bruce Wayne is not most people.Day 2 of the Superbatweek2020 prompt: "Fake dating"
Relationships: Superman/Batman
Series: Superbatweek 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841941
Comments: 8
Kudos: 141





	What to do when your Soulmate is a Jerk

The worse thing about the situation was that Clark could hear everything in excruciating details.

"You what!?!"

"No way!"

"Nooo! They can't take you off the market!"

"You're not serious."

"I'm afraid I am," Brucie answered with a particularly dumb smile. He poorly mimicked an archer readying to shoot an arrow. "Fate shot me with its zealous arrow. I've been struck!" He bent over as if injured in a Shakespeare piece. "Love has found its way into my bosom." Dramatically, he clutched his chest. "Lady," he told the nearest person as he grasped her arm urgently. The public gasped and cheered, clearly amused by his antics. "I've found the missing piece of my soul."

"Who is it? Who is it?" clamoured the excited elites who currently appeared like sugar-filled children.

Brucie pointed straight at Clark. Never in his life before had Clark wished more that he was five foot tall with regular-sized shoulders.

Everyone in Brucie's group gawked at him, as bad as that was, it attracted more attention to Clark himself. Then, Brucie worsened the situation by waving at him, beaming stupidly, and yelling, "Clark!"

Clark pretended he didn't notice his soulmate's circus act.

"I don't think he heard you," someone commented beside Brucie.

"He looks... average."

"Oh, he's a real gem, I guarantee it. Who wants to make his acquaintance?" Bruce offered.

The half-drunken crowd cheered and happily tumbled behind Brucie as he made his way to Clark's side.

Still beaming (with the way the lips curled upwards, it had to hurt), Bruce took Clark's arm and turned Clark to face the crowd of interested zoo-goers- or, at least, that was Clark's uncharitable impression of them.

"Everyone, meet my gorgeous soulmate and boyfriend, Clark Kent."

The reporter smiled timidly at everyone as he readjusted his glasses.

He could hear every murmur questioning Bruce's claim and Clark's qualities.

One lady (if Clark felt generous enough to call her so) giggled and voiced her disbelief. "Isn't he... plain?"

"He certainly does look plain, doesn't it?" Bruce acknowledged with a laugh and, he lowered his voice. "But, he has a highly guarded secret. A secret none might know."

Say what you will about Bruce's emotional incapacity, he sure could spin a fascinating tale.

"Do you want to know it?" Bruce whispered to the dozen or so gawkers. They went wild with entreaties, some worse than others- did that man offer a blowjob to his fake boyfriend to get Clark's secret?

Bruce pulled Clark closer to him. "Under all of _**that**_ , he's beef."

The public seemed disappointed about the secret.

"That's it?"

Bruce shook his head as a drunk man would shake his to appear wise. "You don't understand. He's so beef that farmers would pay a fortune to get him to spray his masculinity on their cows to get his pedigree of offsprings."

Until that every moment, Clark had firmly believed that blushing the shade of tomato was an exaggeration.

_**Pause the frame.** _

_**Rewind.** _

Clark prepared for his official coming out as Bruce's soulmate and (fake) boyfriend.

(Boy, did he have no idea what would be happening that night. Clark already missed that sweet innocence of youth.)

_**Rewind.** _

Clark went about his day in the office.

_**Rewind.** _

Clark woke up, feeling excited.

_**Rewind.** _

He was in the Batcave; Bruce and he were both staring at the other's soulmate mark.

"We're soulmate," Clark finally said, voice hoarse and amazed.

Bruce rubbed his head. "Are you sure nobody hit you with a spell in the last 24 hours?"

Clark raised one unimpressed eyebrow. Then, very slowly, he pointed to his mark on his upper arm, turned and, pointed to Bruce's mark.

"The soulmate system is severely mismanaged; we've been acquaintances-"

"Friends," Clark intervened.

"Don't interrupt. Acquaintances for years and a soulmate mark only appeared today."

Clark crossed his arms. "Maybe it only became the right time tonight."

The other rolled his eyes. "This is inconvenient for our identities unless..."

"Unless?" Clark was only going with Bruce's roller-coaster ride at this point. This moment was definitively not the sparkly encounter envisioned by the Disney movies.

Bruce snapped his fingers. "We can use that to our advantage."

"Okay..." Sometimes, failing to grasp whatever one-tracked-minded Bruce's trajectory was, felt you were missing half your brain.

Bruce whirled back to him like a whiplash waiting to happen. "We can control the narrative. We'll reveal to the world that we're soulmates; we'll even let people take pictures of our soulmate mark."

Clark was confused: wasn't being secretive's Batman's quirk? "You want us to let the world know Superman and Batman are soulmates?"

Bruce scowled at him as if Clark was mocking him. "Not them. Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent. We'll even pretend to be in love- like all good soulmates are supposed to be the moment they discover they're soulmate- and we'll publicly date."

Clark had clearly missed something somewhere. "Date?"

Bruce shrugged. "I won't have to pretend to be a playboy anymore; it will free up my time."

Clark wanted to facepalm. "So, basically, we'll be fake-dating so you can drop the playboy charade and spend more time on being Batman?"

"Essentially," Bruce responded. "We only need to establish a public impression that since we've discovered each other, we're spending a lot more time observing each other in private. It should be easy enough to start a rumour to that effect."

Clark was not going to break down all of Bruce's absurdities contained in that explanation. Instead, he changed the subject: "Why would you let people take pictures of our soulmate marks? Wouldn't it be bad for our secret identities?"

"We'll modify our soulmate's mark enough so that nobody will link Batman nor Superman with us. By exposing it to the public eye, we're building a narrative that will be hard to counter," Bruce explained.

That part, at least, made sense to Clark.

"What now?"

Bruce was already typing something on his computer. "Now, we figure out the right moment to tell the world we're soulmates and 'happily' dating." The emphasis on 'happily' was kind of hard to miss.

"We could prepare a press conference?"

Bruce glared at him like he was a dunce. "Too formal. It would be hard to let the world know how we can't live without the other."

Wow, the willfulness in that man, Clark thought. Now, they were stuck together.

Clark wasn't sure how he felt about that particular fact.

Bruce shoved something to Clark. "Here's your plus one ticket for tonight's gala. Come alone. I'll introduce you to high society. New clothing will have to wait."

Looking at the expensive publicity about the gala, Clark felt unsure about this venture. "Shouldn't you coach me or something?"

"No need. Don't say anything. I'll take control of the show. You should see if you can arrange an appointment with Jimmy Olsen for the soulmate's marks and our 'blissful' pictures to be taken. Get in contact with Alfred for the particular details about scheduling."

This succession of events was happening too fast. Clark had only realized that he was Bruce's soulmate and, already, he was on a highly publicized high-class date and paparazzi's fodder material.

Events really were moving too fast.

_**Freeze frame.** _

Clark looks utterly disoriented as he looks at his ticket while Bruce's hands are frozen above his computer's keyboard, tensed.

_**Fast-forward.** _

Clark returned home in shock. He went to sleep.

_**Fast-forward.** _

Clark woke up and dressed for the day.

_**Fast-forward (x10).** _

Clark goes through his day at his workplace.

_**Fast-forward.** _

Superman saves some people's lives. He gets to the gala on time as Clark Kent.

_**Fast-forward.** _

He takes a flute of drink and meanders around.

_**Fast-forward.** _

Bruce and his cronies find him. Bruce makes his comment about Clark's beefiness.

_**Freeze frame.** _

Clark appears so embarrassed that someone might be able to cook an egg on his heated cheeks.

_**Play at regular speed.** _

Brucie chortled. "You're so fun to tease, Darling. Shall we get moving?"

Clark nodded mechanically.

His soulmate wantonly said (for everyone to hear): "Once things get moving, I don't think it'll last very long, Darling."

With a parting wink to his audience, Brucie took Clark's arm and dragged him to his limo.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Bruce separated from Clark. "Alfred, let's get home. Someone lit the Bat-signal."

Clark felt chaotic; was he even experiencing some form of arousal?

Bruce glanced at him. "Did you arrange the photoshoot?"

"Uhm..."

"Clark," Bruce repeated, impatient, "Did you arrange the photoshoot?"

"He did, Master Bruce," Alfred interjected from the driver's seat.

"Good. We've finished for tonight," Bruce continued. "You can get back to your life."

It took a moment for Clark to understand that the words were meant for him. "You mean me?"

"Yes, you," Bruce snapped. "Why are you so inattentive tonight?"

"Uhmm..."

"If I may say so," Alfred thankfully interjected, "It has been a long and life-changing day for the both of you. I'm sure Master Clark needs some time to assimilate all the changes."

With Bruce staring down at him, Clark confirmed, "Alfred is right. I'm still trying to understand all that happened today."

When Bruce went back to looking outside, Clark felt his breathing evening out.

"I meant to say this earlier," Alfred said, "Congratulations to the both of you for finding your soulmate."

For the first time in the day, Clark felt this was more up to his speed. "Thanks, Alfred. I'm glad you approve."

"Clark," Bruce admonished, "there is nothing for Alfred to approve."

"I'm your soulmate. Of course, Alfred approving of it is crucial. He's your family." 

A shadow passed on Bruce's face, the stoic veil lifting enough for Clark to notice his unease. "That's not the part I dispute."

Clark knew this was coming; he was only surprised it had taken this genius man this much time to address the soulmate part. "What do **_you_ ** dispute?"

Bruce opened his mouth to say they were nothing, that being soulmates meant nothing. He hesitated- _Bruce never hesitated_ \- and closed his mouth. 

Satisfaction welled in Clark as he understood the implication of Bruce's unwilling admission: even Bruce couldn't contest they were something. 

Bruce's knee jerk reaction of supplying the idea of fake dating served as a way to camouflage his curiosity with dating Clark and to lessen its meaning.

As much as Bruce craved to be in control, he was as out of his depth as Clark was. It was certainly reassuring to know Clark wasn't alone in his predicament. 

Confident of his analysis, Clark then leaned toward Bruce, kissed him on the cheek and said, "See you later, lover."

As Clark flew away, he felt his soulmate's eyes piercing him, something he took relish at receiving.

Why had he kissed him?

Part of it was retaliation for Bruce's whirlwind plan, its subsequent execution and Clark's callous dismissal.

The other part of it...

Clark was ashamed to say he found Bruce's bossiness cute when it wasn't aggravating.

Or that he enjoyed upsetting Bruce's micromanaged projects. Of course, he was aware Bruce had planned the entire response to the soulmate's discovery to avoid talking about the essence of the matter.

Clark would play along; he would even let Bruce make embarrassing comments about him. But, Clark would endeavour to use the opportunity to force Bruce to face the issue.

A smile appeared on his face as he flew to Metropolis; this was going to be a fun roller-coaster ride.


End file.
